Billy Masters 03.19.26

"Sean Penn couldn't be here this evening or didn't want to. So I'll be accepting the award on his behalf."

— Kieran Culkin accepts Penn's Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Look, he was married to Madonna and Robin Wright Penn—hasn't he suffered enough?


These Oscars will go down as "The Night They Drove Old Timmy Down". Although, to be fair, voting was done long before the Chalamet scandal broke. But, still, it brought a smile to my otherwise bored face. As to the awards themselves, when you don't care about the movies nominated, they kinda meander on by.

That said, I do have a few observations. While I was sad that "A Friend of Dorothy" lost for Best Live Action Short Film, I was heartened when a hot guy who tied went up to accept the award. Then he mentioned a girlfriend. He had me, then he lost me. Those KPop girls ripped off "Charlie's Angels". Along those lines, I think Demi was molting. I think we can all agree—Anna Wintour is not a laugh riot. I question the wisdom of using precious satellite time to make a Basil Rathbone joke. Speaking of dead people, a few notables were missing from the In Memoriam. Sure, James Van Der Beek, Eric Dane and Malcolm-Jamal Warner are mostly known for television, but they also made films. So did Olivia Hussey and Alain Delon. They went on and on about Claudia Cardinale (who I adored), but what about Brigitte Bardot? Aside from that, I thought it was handled well. And I had a brilliant idea—perhaps Barbra's next film could be a biopic about Sylvia Miles (look it up).

Speaking of Barbra, it has just been announced that she will receive an Honorary Palme d'Or from the Cannes Film Festival. She's gonna need another shelf for all these "honorary" awards.

The Golden Globes didn't let a little thing like the Academy Awards steal their thunder. It's been announced that Nikki Glaser will return next year to host her third Golden Globes. The funny lady said, "I'm thrilled to host the Golden Globes for a third time, not only because it's the greatest gig I've ever had, but because my sister has three kids and now we will be equal in the eyes of my parents and the Lord." In terms of hosting the Globes, Nikki is only bettered by Ricky Gervais (five times) and the dynamic duo of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (four times).

Speaking of "Saturday Night Live" alums, we have a truly special announcement to make. Maya Rudolph will be the latest person to take on the role of Mary Todd Lincoln in "Oh, Mary!". "'Oh, Mary!' is the funniest play I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot of plays, you'd be surprised. It's such an honor to play the role of Mary, especially after so many iconic Marys have come before me. So making my Broadway debut in the role of a lifetime—as a miserable, suffocated, alcoholic woman—is a real dream come true," said Maya. She begins her run on April 28th and will stay with the show for eight weeks, ending on June 20th.

Not to be outdone, "Chicago" has announced its latest cast changes. Currently in the revolving door of Roxie Hart is Whitney Leavitt, from "The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives". She will soon be reunited with her partner from "Dancing with the Stars", Mark Ballas. He will take on the role of Billy Flynn for a limited four-week run starting on April 5th. Ballas previously played Frankie Valli in "Jersey Boys" on Broadway and for portions of the national tour, and returned to the Great White Way playing Charlie in "Kinky Boots". I actually think "Chicago" will be his sweet spot—especially if they give Billy a tad more dancing than usual.

A bunch of "luminaries" (for lack of a better word) will find themselves in the unemployment line. NBCUniversal is leaving the first-run syndication business, which means the end of "Access Hollywood", "Access Live", "Karamo" and "The Steve Wilkos Show"—a show I never ever heard of. Curious that after Karamo skipped promoting the final season of "Queer Eye", he ended up out of work just like the rest of the guys.

Well, not exactly. Antoni Porowski is showing off his new gig as model for SAXX Underwear—once again, something I've never even heard of. Nonetheless, he looks quite fetching in his scanties—or, more to the point, they look good on him. The variety of wrapping of his package is quite appealing, as seen on BillyMasters.com.

Carson Kressley was recently a guest on "Today with Jenna & Sheinelle". They asked him for his take on the turmoil surrounding the outgoing "Queer Eye" cast. Aside from calling the experience of making that series "very intense", he added this: "I don't know the circumstances. There is such a great cast. It's a great show. And I think the quality of the show and the great work they do transcends any little drama that might have happened." Then he dropped a little bombshell of his own. When the original "Devil Wears Prada" movie was being cast, he claims to have been asked to audition for a role. But, when push came to shove, they went in a different direction. "They said, 'Oh God, you're great, we love you, but we can't have somebody who's never been in a movie in the scene with Meryl Streep. That might be too big of a gamble.' So I didn't get it...Damn you, Stanley Tucci! Thanks for ruining my career." And you wonder why we're still talking about Carson Kressley 25 years later?

Before we leave "Queer Eye" behind (for now), former Fab-Fiver Bobby Berk weighed in on the controversy. "It's sad that clearly stuff was going on, but yeah, I decided to leave at a time that was right for me. And, of course, I'm sad that there was any drama surrounding the show because the show, I think, has such a great legacy of helping people." It should be noted that Berk is hosting HGTV's "Junk or Jackpot?", which makes him the only "Queer" still on the air.

You think you'll never mention someone ever again, and then a story about Richard Hatch pops up. The winner of the first "Survivor" was speaking to Tim Murphy on "The Caftan Chronicles" (I won't say it), and discussed his 34-year-old boyfriend—and, for those of you interested, Hatch is 64. You'd think the fact that his boyfriend never saw "Survivor" would be the lead, but no. "He's 100% versatile, so he's constantly wanting me to fuck him, but I'm a bottom. Yeah, totally bottom. He teases me about that." Far be it from me to add to that!

I wish I could tell you I've ever seen "Finding Mr. Christmas". I know what it is, having a best friend who is a Hallmark aficionado, but I simply never felt inclined to tune in. However, I'm told that Robbie Simpson was a contestant on season 2 (some call him a breakout star). He's engaged. Again, not the lead. Where did they meet? In line to get tickets for "Broadway Bares" in June of 2023! His fiance, Kyle Pollak, explained, "Saying yes to marrying him was the easiest decision I have ever made. I asked Robbie to be my boyfriend, so it was his turn to pop this next question." Robbie proposed in Australia overlooking Sydney Harbour and somehow "People" magazine was there to cover the blessed event. Funny how that happens.

In other romantic news, Chaz Bono married his childhood sweetheart—a statement that I cannot even begin to unpack. Chaz met Shara Blue Mathes when they were teenagers studying at the Lee Strasberg Theatre & Film Institute. They reconnected in 2017 and began their romance. "I think it's safe to say that not many grooms ultimately end up marrying the very first girl they ever kissed so many years later." Most grooms can't say a whole lotta things this couple can. And, despite what other less reputable scribes predicted, Chaz's mother Cher did indeed attend the ceremony—sporting a big diamond ring on her so-called "ring finger". And, being Cher, she just happened to photobomb the couple as they cut the cake, the video of which can be found on BillyMasters.com.

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Kip in Chicago: "I've heard for several years that Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are trying to resurrect 'All My Children'. Any update?"

You are correct—the daytime duo has been trying to get a network deal to bring the show back, with no luck. But, they've pivoted. As Ripa revealed on her podcast, "Mark and I and our production company, we are developing two 'All My Children' movies for Lifetime. Woo. We are so excited." While I'm always leery of any venture that attempts to come back in a different format, this sounds like it could work—especially since they're courting the services of Susan Lucci. "Well, certainly with Mark and Kelly producing, I know that I would be in good hands, and being in good hands is central to my answer to this question, because the writing is so important...And of course, if everything was in place, if they were really going to do this, I would certainly want to be part of it." So that sounds like a tentative "Maybe". And I think we all know, if Lucci says no, the films won't get made.

When Richard Hatch being a bottom is news, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I was just thinking—Chaz's wife's name is Shara Blue Mathes. Chaz's brother's name is Elijah Blue Allman. Interesting, n'est ce pas? For more insights like this, check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that'll never make you blue. For your gossip needs, dash off a note to [email protected] and I promise to get back to you before Barbra replaces Maya in "Oh, Mary!". Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.